My son, JD, and I cooked yesterday for more than four hours preparing food for today, he was a real trooper and we somehow managed to pull it off. (I now remember why I gave up preparing holiday meals.) During the chaos my daughter-in-law came to drop off little R so she could head to work. My precious JD has really bad ADHD so things can get hectic when I’m trying to focus and get things done. I was trying to get the kitchen in order and the spices lined up. JD is playing the drums on my two 8 pound hens and M tells him to stop playing with his meat and he totally laughs, which I completely missed but it comes into play later. Yes, we are dysfunctional. Oh, and the entire lid came off one of the spices while I seasoned the damn bird, dousing it in garlic so I then had to bathe the frikking birds and clean the daggone pan and start over. Two hours later I’m elbow deep in making the stuffing and I can’t stop, so K goes to pick up B at the bus stop. Thankfully B offers to help, which then turns our circus into a three ring circus but I’m trying to build memories so I persevere. The air is punctuated with exclamations of frequent frustration, lots of laughter, and a few choice cuss words but we actually got it done in four hours with no casualties. The stuffing was too wet, I had to add bread and bake it more.I spent an hour picking the birds clean and alternately loading the meat plate and dropping morsels to the dogs who are conveniently crouched at my feet. B wants to know why I stuck garlic cloves in the hens butt and is giggling her head off. JD wants to know if I cooked the birds privates, now they are both giggling and I’m getting close to the breaking point. All R wants to know is when he can have some. Now I got five hours in and can’t take much more. It was getting late, so I decided to feed the kids fake Thanksgiving for dinner since there is so much food. As I’m getting the stuff on the table I see R slapping the hell out of his leg and thigh on his dinner plate. Fully confused I texted M to tell her that her kid is strange, to which she answers “he’s just spanking his meat like JD”. I’m thoroughly lost, so she proceeds to explains about the hen drum set and now I’m dying, I am way too old for this shit. Seriously, I got this cheeky four year old spanking chicken at my antique dining room set while grinning at me saying “Look Mom-mom !” It’s not even Thanksgiving but I’m ready to be done.
The kids spent the night and we had Thanksgiving again for breakfast, I’ll be damned if I’m cooking eggs when I got all this stuff already cooked! M arrived shortly before my son, Big J, and informs me that I’m having extra company because someone had no place to go for the holiday and I never turn people away. A quick inventory lets me know we ate too much and need to get more. That, in turn, leads to a road trip to Walmart for more plates, forks and then some Chinese food down the road (because Chinese food places are always open on holidays, or at least I thought they were). Three attempted restaurants later we finally got three orders of Tso Chicken, one Pepper Chicken, and a large Sweet and Sour Chicken to add to the table. It’s better to have too much than not enough.
Dinner- as always at my place, is never over until somebody throws food, somebody gets insulted, and much innuendo takes place. This time it was hot Asian peppers flying, possibly with some fried rice as well. It’s usually one of my older two who flings the first food, this year it was Big J. His mouth was on fire from an accidental ingestion of peppers and he was trying to put it out with milk. Which was actually hilarious. K kept dropping the burn on Big J for being thirty and still using Snapchat, he kept ragging her about which team she’s pitching for and is she sure she knows which team (she’s single). There was some talk about sticking fingers in the green bean casserole to see if it was hot, which quickly descended into talk about fingers in hot apple pie (*please see movie American Pie), that is what got us to pinch hitting for which team. I threatened to beat everyone’s ass multiple times. Our guest alternately choked, giggled into his sweatshirt, and stared at his plate. Poor JD couldn’t decide whether to be uncomfortable or laugh out loud. As he gets older he seems to be getting more of the innuendo, which is probably inappropriate but totally funny. The middle-age kids are really quick with the “that’s what she said” line… Hey! it could be worse! I warned you that we were not pretty people! Nobody died!
Needless to say there is actually plenty of food left and I will be making soup. No, I did not diet. However, I drank only water and coffee with fake sugar. I did NOT have pie, cider, or biscuits.
Tomorrow is the actual formal Thanksgiving with the turkey and the decorative table at my daughter E’s house, with my parents et al. It should be interesting as well. She is the biggest food thrower and the hardest player of innuendo, plus we’ll have my mother’s Alzheimer’s to keep things fun. Once you get past the tears, Alzheimer’s can make for a lot of humor. Last week my mom butted into a conversation I was having with my dad on immigration and different viewpoints. Mom heard half of a comment and said “who says Christians are Islamophobic?! I’m not Islamophobic! I have plenty of nice Jew friends!!”. I was trying so hard to keep it together and she was soooooo angry. She just jumps into these conversations and she has no clue, but she damn sure picks a side! I’m really looking forward to tomorrow.
I know this isn’t the best I’ve written. I’m just tired. Be patient.
It is a big deal though. I haven’t cooked a holiday dinner since my husband died. It was my first try in 10 years. That has to count for something!
I am thankful, for every minute of every day and I’m especially thankful that I’m getting my life back one day at a time. Stay safe! Love each other! Make a memory!