Crippling fear…I know it’s stupid

Here I sit, outside the gym. I have my packed gym bag in the car. Hhhhhhhhh. Every person I have seen so far is tiny, with cute little Yoga pants and cute little work out companions. I seriously want to cry. I know it’s stupid. I know I’m too old for this shit. People will see me. They will watch me walk in awkwardly, doing my fat shuffle. They will see me struggle to breathe. They will be in the changing rooms. They will be by the pool. I just want to go home. I’m crying. I can’t breathe. Now my eyes are red and puffy. How did I let myself get like this?! Don’t these people have jobs? Why are so many here? Oh God, there go a bunch of soccer mom with their yoga mats… Even the old geezers are thin. This is ridiculous. I hate people. I hate being fat. I hate being afraid. This sucks. for-blog6

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