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I cried. I got back up. I got this!

 

IMG_20170701_191934You know what? I got this! I track my steps. I track my food. I started out in a wheelchair half the time, now I’m mobile and don’t even use the handicap cap cart to shop anymore for the last five weeks. Today, I got myself up off the floor without help. ( Yes, I fell). For me, that was major. Three weeks ago I was able to take a shower without the shower chair for the first time in almost two years. And I haven’t even had the surgery yet, this has been the toughest, yet most rewarding six month prep. I can breathe, I can walk and I am ready for a new life! I can walk the pasture, play with the critters, swim with the grandkids. I got in the ocean for the first time in two years! I’m gonna do this! I decided to be brave, and post a picture. There you go. The fat me, soon to be the old me!

It’s not easy, this pre surgery liquid thing is getting old real quick, but I got this.

All the hoops, all the requirement, all the mental victories, all the new recipes… It had been worth it. I’ve grown. I’ve learned. This is it! I’m ready.

Monday the 3rd is my day. 8:45 I report to the hospital. It has been a helluva ride. This morning I was so ready to be done. I’m so tired of broth. But I have come way to far to do something stupid now.

I’m not gonna lie, the last few months have been busy. I’ve had grandkids here days at a time. M is working doubles all the time so I’ve had B and R here quite. a bit. My JD is thirteen, and grandchild B is nine and half, so they bicker back and forth. Little R is so full of life and energy starting at six AM, thank God for the pool – it keeps them busy and gives me exercise.

 

My mother has been in a bit of downward spiral since Christmas. I have to laugh, otherwise I’d cry. Sometimes it is hilarious, sad, but hilarious. For instance – So, Mom, we went to BJ’s Tuesday after a very long appt with my surgeon (which I had to repeatedly convince her the appt was for me not her), halfway through BJ’s parking lot mom’s slip completely dropped down around her ankles, practically causing her to fall. I tried to discretely take the slip and stuff it into my bag to which she shrilly replied that it came off her and was darn well going back on her. She proceeded to pull her skirt up around her waist as a car parked right next to us, and struggle with the damn slip. I begged her not to make a spectacle and she yelled at me, asking me ” do you really think they haven’t seen a woman in a slip before!!??”. I died a thousand deaths, dad just helplessly shrugged and laughed. Seriously nobody needed to see all that. She just didn’t give a shit. New Mom 2.0 and I’m not so sure it’s the better version, but it’s definitely the funnier one.
Oh, and I lost three more pounds this week…

And then there is this – When mom graduates to eating between 600-800 calories worth of pastries and cookies at a single sitting and your trying desperately to keep her from buying tons of baked goods from BJ’s ( the only things she wanted to get from BJ’s, not one other food in the cart)
She kept putting them in, and I kept sneaking them out… She finally turns around and snaps “at least I’m not the one with the big belly!”.
I got nothing…
I’m over here drinking chicken broth…
She made it out of the store with one huge cake. Which she then proceeded to yell at dad for buying an hour later.
I’m still over here with my chicken broth and protein shake…

My week in a nutshell. I love her too death and someday will look back and be so glad I preserved these stories.

My Dad is a saint, full of love and patience. He’s so hard on himself for being human enough to get occasionally frustrated. So devoted, so in love… Almost 52 years.

I have so many things to share, I can’t believe I let it go this long without writing!

Recipes – one of the soups I’m supposed to be on during this liquid phase was so gross, I made my own. Surgeon approved tomato bisque: I used chicken bone broth with 9g of protein, I added two cans of tomato paste, a healthy amount of garlic powder, onion powder and basil flakes, and 1/3 cup of Carnation powdered non fat milk. You can also add some low fat grated Parmesan.

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It has more than the fifteen grams of protein the nasty soup had.

I’ve also added little bits of “better than bouillon” au jus flavor paste to plain beef broth, because it helps. So does a dash of cumin, or onion powder.

You do what you got to do to get it down. Be creative. Don’t be afraid to tweak it all little or you’ll go nuts. Trust me, I was in tears this morning thinking about another cup of broth.

So, I’m gonna go drink another protein shake! Have a nice night! Be blessed!

Next time I’ll tell you all about how I found my real biological family after 49 years! The power of technology and science!

 

 

I really suck at this…

So its been forever. Things have been hectic, end of semester papers and exams, daughter (E) with kidney stones and renal failure, premature grandson that I watched three days a week, a mother with rapidly progressing Alzheimer’s, then my daughter (E) had half her cervix removed for stage three cells (she’s gonna be okay). You know, basic busy and stressful stuff. LOL. I passed all my classes this semester and am waiting anxiously for scholarship awards to see if I won any. ( I’m hoping )

And oh yeah, the surgery list of requirements… So, I did the three months of counseling and got approval from both the therapist and the psychiatrist! WHOOHOO! The nutritionist is happy with me and says my numbers speak for themselves. I did break down and have two soft pretzels a few weeks ago( I got lectured for that) , and still managed to lose 9 pounds that month, I say its the soup I eat. The fitness guy is AWESOME and is also happy with me. I HAVE ONE APPOINTMENT LEFT UNTIL WE SET DATES FOR MY SLEEVE SURGERY!

I joined a group called Sassy Sleevers on Facebook, which is great for inspiration and accountability. Everyone is so friendly and open about issues.

I’m still not smoking, but I still want one occasionally, I’m trying to read a lot so I don’t think about it. I read seven Harry Potter books in two weeks, not my usual style but I was curious about them. I’m going to look and see if Glenn Thater has anything new out, if not I’ll check out Michael Connely. My kindle is my new best friend.

I’m getting my steps in by not using the downstairs bathroom anymore and going to the furthest bathroom upstairs. I’m also walking the yard now and hope to start mowing the grass soon.

I desperately need to start eating and drinking slower or I’m going to be puking a lot after surgery. I’m so used to chugging water.

I’m cooking a lot, mostly chicken. I have a broken tooth so a lot of my stuff is getting ran through the food processor because I can’t chew. I guess I might as well get used to it. I’ve been making a lot of cabbage soup (weight loss soup)cabbage soup

less than 100 calories  a serving with 10 grams protein:

4 quarts low fat low sodium chicken stock, whole head of cabbage chopped, 1-2 cups of onion chopped, 1 cup of celery chopped, 1 pound of brussel sprouts chopped, 1 large can crushed tomatoes, 1-2 cups of carrots chopped, 2-4 cups of shredded chicken, and a few TBS of crushed garlic. Use any seasonings you want- I use red pepper flakes, but some people use Italian seasonings. Basically you can throw any vegetables you want in it. You can even skip the meat and use vegetable stock instead of chicken. You can add the fake sausage crumbles that vegans eat as a substitute meat. Eat it once a day or more, as much as you want and I guarantee weight will come off.

I’ve also been making a lot of Teriyaki Chicken or Satay Peanut Chicken (some call it Thai Bangkok Chicken). I just bake, drain, and chop up breast meat then saute it in sauce with extra garlic. I add low sodium soy and Hoisin Sauce to the Teriyaki. (I run the chicken through the food processor after its done on fine chop setting too, because of my tooth. The stupid dentist doesn’t have an opening until frikkin September!)

peanut chicken

I eat the Teriyaki with riced cauliflower or I make Tandoori Sweet Potatoes and roast them in the oven in chunks to eat with the Peanut Chicken. You can google that, I did. For a dipping sauce for the sweet potatoes you can add a little sugar free pancake syrup to non fat vanilla greek yogurt instead of date syrup.  That is also good for sweet potato fries (baked fries of course).

I did have a hamburger last night with cheese and pickles, no bun, that I ran through the processor and ate with a few ritz crackers. I needed some beef, since I’ve been living on chicken. The kids wanted burgers and dogs on the grill. So everyone was happy.

My parents are coming again today, I feel better when I feed them. Dad is a saint, but he has his hands full with Mom. She thinks everyday is Sunday, so when I had them here on Tuesday she wore her Sunday best and ended up doing yard work looking like a queen. She had fun, the kids had fun and pretty much that’s all that matters.mom cleaning yard

mom yard

I’m taking all the pictures I can, every time. Time goes so fast as her memory gets worse. Treasuring the moments one by one.

I have so much more to say, but I’m out of time. I miss writing, hopefully I’ll have a little more free time and can actually get back into it.

Meanwhile-We are so dysfunctional – this bitch (E) calls me laughing so hard she’s crying and I can’t understand a damn word coming out her mouth for like five minutes. Finally I get the story: E was getting the kids ready for a trip to Walmart and used the last two wipes in the pack to wipe Armani’s balls and ass after taking off his pull up, she had no where to lay them while she finished dressing the kid so she stuffed them back in the empty pack to throw out when she was done, fiancé A was trying to get baby Grayson ready so he grabbed the wipes, not knowing, and cleaned the baby’s face and hands with the ball/ass wipes. A is dying and totally freaked out (it’s his first actualchild), E is laughing so hard, now I’m laughing and yelling at her to clean the baby… Just one of those days.

The fun never ends.

 

 

Broken Doesn’t Mean Worthless.

Awesome.

adventuresofatwentysomethingabroad

Growing up I know I felt broken. Not because my parents didn’t raise me right, but because I didn’t see my value. Everyone is valuable. From the poorest of the poor, to the richest of the richest. It doesn’t matter what color your skin color is, or what eye color you have. If you’ve got a bachelors degree, or a GED. Whether you are single, or you are married. Whether you have done one wrong thing, or a hundred. Whether you are popular, or you have one friend. You are worthy of hearing these things.

You are valuable. 

You are loved.

You are lovely. 

You are needed.

You are powerful. 

You are beautiful. 

You are amazing. 

You are strong. 

You can rise above. 

You are desired. 

You are special. 

You are wanted.

You are unique.

Don’t ever forget this okay. You are needed yesterday, today, and tomorrow. You are loved…

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