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I really suck at this…

So its been forever. Things have been hectic, end of semester papers and exams, daughter (E) with kidney stones and renal failure, premature grandson that I watched three days a week, a mother with rapidly progressing Alzheimer’s, then my daughter (E) had half her cervix removed for stage three cells (she’s gonna be okay). You know, basic busy and stressful stuff. LOL. I passed all my classes this semester and am waiting anxiously for scholarship awards to see if I won any. ( I’m hoping )

And oh yeah, the surgery list of requirements… So, I did the three months of counseling and got approval from both the therapist and the psychiatrist! WHOOHOO! The nutritionist is happy with me and says my numbers speak for themselves. I did break down and have two soft pretzels a few weeks ago( I got lectured for that) , and still managed to lose 9 pounds that month, I say its the soup I eat. The fitness guy is AWESOME and is also happy with me. I HAVE ONE APPOINTMENT LEFT UNTIL WE SET DATES FOR MY SLEEVE SURGERY!

I joined a group called Sassy Sleevers on Facebook, which is great for inspiration and accountability. Everyone is so friendly and open about issues.

I’m still not smoking, but I still want one occasionally, I’m trying to read a lot so I don’t think about it. I read seven Harry Potter books in two weeks, not my usual style but I was curious about them. I’m going to look and see if Glenn Thater has anything new out, if not I’ll check out Michael Connely. My kindle is my new best friend.

I’m getting my steps in by not using the downstairs bathroom anymore and going to the furthest bathroom upstairs. I’m also walking the yard now and hope to start mowing the grass soon.

I desperately need to start eating and drinking slower or I’m going to be puking a lot after surgery. I’m so used to chugging water.

I’m cooking a lot, mostly chicken. I have a broken tooth so a lot of my stuff is getting ran through the food processor because I can’t chew. I guess I might as well get used to it. I’ve been making a lot of cabbage soup (weight loss soup)cabbage soup

less than 100 calories  a serving with 10 grams protein:

4 quarts low fat low sodium chicken stock, whole head of cabbage chopped, 1-2 cups of onion chopped, 1 cup of celery chopped, 1 pound of brussel sprouts chopped, 1 large can crushed tomatoes, 1-2 cups of carrots chopped, 2-4 cups of shredded chicken, and a few TBS of crushed garlic. Use any seasonings you want- I use red pepper flakes, but some people use Italian seasonings. Basically you can throw any vegetables you want in it. You can even skip the meat and use vegetable stock instead of chicken. You can add the fake sausage crumbles that vegans eat as a substitute meat. Eat it once a day or more, as much as you want and I guarantee weight will come off.

I’ve also been making a lot of Teriyaki Chicken or Satay Peanut Chicken (some call it Thai Bangkok Chicken). I just bake, drain, and chop up breast meat then saute it in sauce with extra garlic. I add low sodium soy and Hoisin Sauce to the Teriyaki. (I run the chicken through the food processor after its done on fine chop setting too, because of my tooth. The stupid dentist doesn’t have an opening until frikkin September!)

peanut chicken

I eat the Teriyaki with riced cauliflower or I make Tandoori Sweet Potatoes and roast them in the oven in chunks to eat with the Peanut Chicken. You can google that, I did. For a dipping sauce for the sweet potatoes you can add a little sugar free pancake syrup to non fat vanilla greek yogurt instead of date syrup.  That is also good for sweet potato fries (baked fries of course).

I did have a hamburger last night with cheese and pickles, no bun, that I ran through the processor and ate with a few ritz crackers. I needed some beef, since I’ve been living on chicken. The kids wanted burgers and dogs on the grill. So everyone was happy.

My parents are coming again today, I feel better when I feed them. Dad is a saint, but he has his hands full with Mom. She thinks everyday is Sunday, so when I had them here on Tuesday she wore her Sunday best and ended up doing yard work looking like a queen. She had fun, the kids had fun and pretty much that’s all that matters.mom cleaning yard

mom yard

I’m taking all the pictures I can, every time. Time goes so fast as her memory gets worse. Treasuring the moments one by one.

I have so much more to say, but I’m out of time. I miss writing, hopefully I’ll have a little more free time and can actually get back into it.

Meanwhile-We are so dysfunctional – this bitch (E) calls me laughing so hard she’s crying and I can’t understand a damn word coming out her mouth for like five minutes. Finally I get the story: E was getting the kids ready for a trip to Walmart and used the last two wipes in the pack to wipe Armani’s balls and ass after taking off his pull up, she had no where to lay them while she finished dressing the kid so she stuffed them back in the empty pack to throw out when she was done, fiancé A was trying to get baby Grayson ready so he grabbed the wipes, not knowing, and cleaned the baby’s face and hands with the ball/ass wipes. A is dying and totally freaked out (it’s his first actualchild), E is laughing so hard, now I’m laughing and yelling at her to clean the baby… Just one of those days.

The fun never ends.

 

 

Broken Doesn’t Mean Worthless.

Awesome.

adventuresofatwentysomethingabroad

Growing up I know I felt broken. Not because my parents didn’t raise me right, but because I didn’t see my value. Everyone is valuable. From the poorest of the poor, to the richest of the richest. It doesn’t matter what color your skin color is, or what eye color you have. If you’ve got a bachelors degree, or a GED. Whether you are single, or you are married. Whether you have done one wrong thing, or a hundred. Whether you are popular, or you have one friend. You are worthy of hearing these things.

You are valuable. 

You are loved.

You are lovely. 

You are needed.

You are powerful. 

You are beautiful. 

You are amazing. 

You are strong. 

You can rise above. 

You are desired. 

You are special. 

You are wanted.

You are unique.

Don’t ever forget this okay. You are needed yesterday, today, and tomorrow. You are loved…

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It’s been forever…I’m Still Here!

I am amazed by how long its been since I’ve written, I’m so ashamed.

I’ve lost weight, gained weight, and lost it again…the only good thing is I have never gone above my original weight. I’m sticking to my calorie intake numbers, but am not always making great choices. Sometimes my proteins are low and my fats high…

I’ve gained a beautiful grandson since I’ve last written…he is healthy and chubby and perfect. He is seven weeks old, so now you know what I’ve been busy with.  I am watching him 3-5 days a week since my daughter and her fiance’s shifts tend to overlap.

baby gray

I’m in school 4 days a week, and trying to hook up with my parents at least 2 days a week- sometimes that doesn’t work out. We usually do a Sunday meal and at least one weekday get together (hopefully at the gym) We had brunch last week- veggies and egg scramble. Just saute and add egg beaters…great use of asparagus, onion and mushrooms. I added a little feta to the eggs. Egg Beaters are a great choice with less fat and less cholesterol.

sunday morning eggs

Any days I have to myself I tend to spend cooking and/or running around, unless I’m driving the local Amish to pay my hay bill since my animals never stop eating.

I’m still in ‘therapy’ to satisfy the shrink the bariatric doctor made me see, that is like ripping a wound open on a regular basis. She always manages to tap a nerve…I swear she’s gonna have me committed one of these days. I cry like a little bitch all the time. Stupid emotions!

I wish I had more time to go to the gym, I just seem to always be short when it comes to squeezing everything in.

I’ve spent some serious money on protein drinks and some are good while others are just plain terrible. I’m trying to refine my options before I’m locked in to liquid only diet.

Spring is NOT starting out well as we’ve found numerous holes in the pool liner which doesn’t bode well for my wallet this summer. Lots of repairs need to be done. Yesterday was 77 degrees, so I foolishly thought today would be nice to work in the yard- its freezing out. Dammit. I’d have done it yesterday but I had a 9 year old, a 6 year old, two 4 year old boys and an infant- sooooo, I was somewhat busy and could not get out in the yard. However we had a great day and they enjoyed each other and I in turn enjoyed them.

kids weekend

My newest goal is to organize my time and make better use of it. With all the things I’m juggling I need to find a way to cram it all in and still get good grades at school.  I may have possibly missed a few classes over the last two weeks and I know I did horribly on an exam. Hopefully it’s still early enough to fix. I aced the last one so one failure shouldn’t define me. I probably got a C or a D so overall I’ll have a B or a high C….which a great paper should redeem.

I’m getting impatient about the surgery, whether or not the therapist will ‘pass’ me, when I  can get it over with. When I can get some of this daggone weight off!!!!  So I can move better and walk better and function again!!!!

I’m kind of scared, worrying about complications….like blood clots and stuff. I just want to fast forward and get on with it.

I still want to smoke. Everyday. But I don’t and I won’t. Smoking is NOT going to take the opportunity of a future from me.

Time. Time is my biggest enemy. Or the lack thereof. Easy food is the bane of my existence. Take out is so convenient after being on the road all day, or babysitting. Yes, I juggle the calories, but fatty food is still fatty food. And spending calories on dumb choices can mean that you end up going to bed hungry. Which sucks.  Protein shakes are your friend, they can bring up the protein numbers and save the day with very few calories. However, cooking healthy food is ALWAYS the better choice. Also lite cheese sticks (50 calories) and low cal meat like hard salami are a quick way to get rid of hunger pangs! Bagel thins (110 calories) with low fat flavored cream cheese is also a good option!

Next week I am going to practice substituting non fat powder milk with chicken broth for heavy cream in a sun-dried tomato and garlic sauce with chicken. I made it this week with the cream and a chicken broth/corn starch rue to stretch said cream. I used my Ninja to chop (pulse) the sun dried tomatoes and garlic, I shredded rotisserie chicken (to cheat time) and threw a chunk of Parmesan Reggiano into the Ninja as well until it was thoroughly grated and added it to the bubbling cream mixture. You can also add baby leaf spinach to the sauce which is an awesome upgrade. I was thinking I could maybe make those cauliflower crusts everyone is always talking about and make a pizza with the sauce instead of using pasta….less carbs!!!

sun dried tomato sauce