I did exactly what I said I wouldn’t do…

I had my surgery on July 3, and it went perfectly. I was  textbook case. No more morphine within 8 hours after surgery, I walked the halls every two hours after surgery, I only took four doses of the Tylenol/Vicodin liquid. I had almost no pain, I had no difficulty getting my fluids in. Absolutely no problems moving through the pureed, soft food and regular food stages. .

I started back to the gym two weeks after surgery, with the doctor’s permission. No problem with my exercise goals. I am losing weight- just not as fast as I would like and not as fast as some people, which is soooooo depressing.

But I haven’t been writing, the one thing I swore to keep up with. I’m stealing a few moments now on my daughter’s computer as I babysit three kids. I have no access to any of my photos while here, so I have nothing to show you. I just wanted to let you all know I’m alive, I’m doing okay. I did have the surgery and I’ve lost 28 pounds in the 58 days since. I’ve lost a lot of inches and have gone down a few sizes. Overall a success.

I’m mobile, no wheelchair, no handicap cart- I’m functioning on my own.

I will post more and I will add pics.

I am so sorry for dropping the ball on this one.

I cried. I got back up. I got this!

 

IMG_20170701_191934You know what? I got this! I track my steps. I track my food. I started out in a wheelchair half the time, now I’m mobile and don’t even use the handicap cap cart to shop anymore for the last five weeks. Today, I got myself up off the floor without help. ( Yes, I fell). For me, that was major. Three weeks ago I was able to take a shower without the shower chair for the first time in almost two years. And I haven’t even had the surgery yet, this has been the toughest, yet most rewarding six month prep. I can breathe, I can walk and I am ready for a new life! I can walk the pasture, play with the critters, swim with the grandkids. I got in the ocean for the first time in two years! I’m gonna do this! I decided to be brave, and post a picture. There you go. The fat me, soon to be the old me!

It’s not easy, this pre surgery liquid thing is getting old real quick, but I got this.

All the hoops, all the requirement, all the mental victories, all the new recipes… It had been worth it. I’ve grown. I’ve learned. This is it! I’m ready.

Monday the 3rd is my day. 8:45 I report to the hospital. It has been a helluva ride. This morning I was so ready to be done. I’m so tired of broth. But I have come way to far to do something stupid now.

I’m not gonna lie, the last few months have been busy. I’ve had grandkids here days at a time. M is working doubles all the time so I’ve had B and R here quite. a bit. My JD is thirteen, and grandchild B is nine and half, so they bicker back and forth. Little R is so full of life and energy starting at six AM, thank God for the pool – it keeps them busy and gives me exercise.

 

My mother has been in a bit of downward spiral since Christmas. I have to laugh, otherwise I’d cry. Sometimes it is hilarious, sad, but hilarious. For instance – So, Mom, we went to BJ’s Tuesday after a very long appt with my surgeon (which I had to repeatedly convince her the appt was for me not her), halfway through BJ’s parking lot mom’s slip completely dropped down around her ankles, practically causing her to fall. I tried to discretely take the slip and stuff it into my bag to which she shrilly replied that it came off her and was darn well going back on her. She proceeded to pull her skirt up around her waist as a car parked right next to us, and struggle with the damn slip. I begged her not to make a spectacle and she yelled at me, asking me ” do you really think they haven’t seen a woman in a slip before!!??”. I died a thousand deaths, dad just helplessly shrugged and laughed. Seriously nobody needed to see all that. She just didn’t give a shit. New Mom 2.0 and I’m not so sure it’s the better version, but it’s definitely the funnier one.
Oh, and I lost three more pounds this week…

And then there is this – When mom graduates to eating between 600-800 calories worth of pastries and cookies at a single sitting and your trying desperately to keep her from buying tons of baked goods from BJ’s ( the only things she wanted to get from BJ’s, not one other food in the cart)
She kept putting them in, and I kept sneaking them out… She finally turns around and snaps “at least I’m not the one with the big belly!”.
I got nothing…
I’m over here drinking chicken broth…
She made it out of the store with one huge cake. Which she then proceeded to yell at dad for buying an hour later.
I’m still over here with my chicken broth and protein shake…

My week in a nutshell. I love her too death and someday will look back and be so glad I preserved these stories.

My Dad is a saint, full of love and patience. He’s so hard on himself for being human enough to get occasionally frustrated. So devoted, so in love… Almost 52 years.

I have so many things to share, I can’t believe I let it go this long without writing!

Recipes – one of the soups I’m supposed to be on during this liquid phase was so gross, I made my own. Surgeon approved tomato bisque: I used chicken bone broth with 9g of protein, I added two cans of tomato paste, a healthy amount of garlic powder, onion powder and basil flakes, and 1/3 cup of Carnation powdered non fat milk. You can also add some low fat grated Parmesan.

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It has more than the fifteen grams of protein the nasty soup had.

I’ve also added little bits of “better than bouillon” au jus flavor paste to plain beef broth, because it helps. So does a dash of cumin, or onion powder.

You do what you got to do to get it down. Be creative. Don’t be afraid to tweak it all little or you’ll go nuts. Trust me, I was in tears this morning thinking about another cup of broth.

So, I’m gonna go drink another protein shake! Have a nice night! Be blessed!

Next time I’ll tell you all about how I found my real biological family after 49 years! The power of technology and science!

 

 

So- it’s been a while

Be blessed, move forward, tomorrow is a new day!

I apologize for my absence, I hope you’ve liked the posts I’ve made from other authors that I found relevant.

It has been a crazy ride so far, I have seen the cardiologist, the pulmonary doctor, the psychiatrist, and the endocrine doctor. All have given approval except the Psych, and I have started therapy. I also have decided that even though I felt like this particular psych was a prick, he was right about me not dealing with the trauma of the suicide and my self-esteem issues. Fortunately I like my new therapist, and am wondering why I didn’t do this sooner.

I have steadily been going to the local Y (my gym) and can go for a entire hour without pain or bad fatigue. I am getting stronger every day. I was able to go to my favorite horse rescue yesterday and stay on my feet for a change. I think I needed to see them more than they needed to see me!

I have lost over 9 and a half pounds since December, as of last Tuesday ( I really need to get a scale for home use). I am still smoke free and passed my urine test. I had my first group meeting at the bariatric center last Tuesday. A lot of support and a lot of information was gained. I downloaded the MyFitnessPal app on my phone, which syncs with my FitBit and tracks all nutrition, steps, exercise, calories, fat, and carbs for me. IT IS AWESOME!

I discovered riced cauliflower!!! I’ve been making stir fry with veggies and chicken while using the cauliflower in place of rice. (See photo above for finished product) I dump these veggie-blog3veggie-blog6

in and Viola!

It’s only like 217 calories per bowl  made with shredded roast chicken, a bunch of sliced mushrooms, 1 TBS Hoisin sauce, 2 TBS soy sauce, 2 TBS teriyaki sauce with sesame seeds, 2 cups of spinach,and a quarter cup of chicken stock to help soften the veggies. I cook mine in a wok, but any frying pan will do!

Also I have made a cold tortellini, baked chicken(shredded), feta cheese, and spinach salad (with a little shredded kale and cabbage in it) topped with Greek salad dressing. It only has 220 calories in it.veggie-blog1

On another note-  I was viciously attacked on social media the other night, it had to do with a parental responsibility issue. A family member of the parent in question felt the need to attack me for being fat, stupid, alone, etc. Comments like “Whats the matter? did  you miss your Fitness all you can eat cheeseburger and fries class?” That perhaps I’m alone because I’m ugly, fat and stupid. “You’re a piece of trash fat bitch” and “you’re such a fat-ass”. I tried to remain calm, and completely resisted the urge to name call and body shame back. But the truth is I cried, all night. You see, I learned a long time ago that there are some things you never say, even in the heat of argument, because once said- words can never be unheard. I say all this to tell you, I know how hurtful people can be. I know how painful harsh words about our bodies or our past mistakes can be. I have seen how cruel some people are. Never give up on yourself, never give in. You are valuable, you have worth. You can change, whether it is your body or your life or your situation. Do NOT sink to the level of the type of person that takes pleasure in causing pain. Rise up! Show that you are better, stronger, and more honorable.My past was thrown up at me, which actually didn’t upset me like she though it would, which is probably why the name calling and body shaming escalated so much. I stayed strong about that because I know who I am, I know where I’ve been, and I’m usually pretty open about my past. So here is my past, if you have questions feel free to ask. It is what it is, and I am constantly moving forward.

In case anyone doesn’t know
For the record- I smoked crack for two years … I’ve been clean almost nineteen years…. I’m an Honor Student that has won five scholarships for academic work, professional bearing, and volunteer service….. I’ve been an asshole, I neglected my kids while I was high, I chased men to fill a gap in my self esteem, and I’ve recovered. I’ve reconciled with my family and my God. I’m a better mother, a better person, a better daughter because of where I’ve been and what I’ve seen. I’ve dedicated countless years to volunteer and humanitarian service. I’ve spoken at recovery groups, women’s groups, and churches. I am not afraid of who I’ve been or the path I’ve walked. I’ve faced death over and over and I believe God has a purpose for me, otherwise I wouldn’t be here. I am a work in progress
Just so you know…

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Be blessed, move forward, tomorrow is a new day!

If you like what I’ve written please like or comment! It’s nice to know I’ve been read! If you have questions on recovery, suicide, depression, or healthy choices please feel free to ask.